Four months ago

Dear friend,

     I know the last time I saw you I made a promise, a promise to visit you. The truth is I owe you an apology for not having kept this promise. I'm sorry. It's been about four months and you still haven't seen me. It's been four months. I have not only lost my obligation to you, but I may have also lost myself from you. I know it's hard for you to think of me, especially after all the changes you've gone through. I know you're still working on that wish you made, a wish where you wanted all the anger inside of you to go away. Please believe me when I say that I want nothing but the best for you. But let me reassure you that I am doing the best I can in keeping that promise I made four months ago. I know I should've visited you long ago, but there was too much complications that rose. One being the risk of tarnishing your transition to a new home and new people was laid out. For the simplest reasons they thought seeing me would give you the idea that I'll be working with you again, and I'm sorry for jumping on board with them on this one.
    I don't know how this will all turn out, and I would never want to give you any false expectations, but I truly am doing my best in visiting you. I can't guarantee you anything as the process may take a while, and getting approved by your worker seems tougher than I had anticipated. Today I got a call back, and in hindsight I explained to them that I wanted to visit you. I'm not entirely sure what the procedure is, or what happens next, but my fingers are crossed. I know distance was a concern, but if I have to then I'll travel the two hours on my own.

Love always,
Francis

Face it

Dear Friend, 

     I think today is the day. I'm not entirely sure how I came to this conclusion but I'm somewhat determined in making a few changes. I write about being sad, and the following week I write the complete opposite. I tell myself that I've come to some agreement with myself, some sort of new "fix" to myself, but lets face it; distraction can only get us so far. When someone tells you that, "things get better in time," or "you'll be fine," haha they lied to you. How can anyone really guarantee you anything? Why is there so much cruelty in those statements? You can't tell someone that things will get better in time, or that you'll be okay...you just can't. 

    I know it's a bit harsh, but the truth is reality is never really the way we want it to be. When you ask someone for help you should look them in the eye and see their reaction. The more they stumble in formulating an answer for you means the higher chance of it being a lie. Really when you ask someone for help you're asking them to tell you something you want to hear, you want some sort of comfort or safety net that everything will be okay. And that's exactly what they tell you. So the next time someone tells you that you'll be okay, make sure you question yourself first. 

Today is the day because I'm finally going to call you...

Love always, 

Francis 

The flow of time

Dear Friend,

Things have gotten a bit better, and I don't know exactly why I feel this, but I guess I'm going to enjoy it for the time being. My life is consumed with the demands of writing midterms, essays, presentations, and assignments, so maybe this is why life is okay. Although school takes up much of my time I'm actually glad that time is so minimal right now. Sure I'd like to fit in more time for my friends and family, because to be honest watching my nephew grow via facebook is kind of sad. Though there are days where I can stay home and enjoy the company of my family - these days I value and interact with them as much as I can. I think I'm also learning to appreciate the people around me more and seeing the value of my relationships with them. In its most rudimentary sense I'm doing a lot better in life...I know that my posts lately have also been a bit depressing (including this one), but just like Charlie in the Perks Of Being A Wallflower I am hoping that someone on the other side of this screen understands me. I know that you're reading this and you may be confused, and I don't expect you to empathize with me, but I guess as long as you care enough to read this far I feel a bit better. I'd like to update you more on how everything is, but as mentioned before, school has taken over.

Love always,
Francis

The greatest friendship

Dear friend,

     I am writing to you because I heard you left, and we both know what that means. It means that I'm never going to see you again, or let alone, talk to you. I am writing to you because you've left me in a place where I seem to have lost myself again. So yes, my world has turned upside down. Just like last time I can only hope and wish that you're doing okay, and that you're being treated the way I took care of you. I can only hope. I know one day you'll think of me, and on this day, I hope you realize that there is someone that genuinely cares for your well-being. On this day, I want you to remember all the good days I had working with you, and on the contrary, I also want you to remember the days you were sad. I want you to remember these days because regardless of whether I was with your or not, I was there for you. And I hope the parting of our friendship never changes that.
     I bury myself with books and work, but nothing seems to be working. It's been months since you've left and there's not a day where I don't wonder how you're doing. Whenever someone asks, "What's the hardest part of your job?" I always hesitate to answer because, well the truth is, I don't want anyone knowing that that hardest part is growing an attachment. I knew that this field of work would be tough, but I never would've thought it to be like this. I am not blaming you for this, but rather, I am thanking you. Without you I wouldn't have grown to be the person I am today. Today I am inspired and motivated to help kids like you, and to do everything I can to make sure a difference is made. But, today I'm going to allow myself to feel sad because you're gone and I'm having a hard time accepting this. You're living in a different home now, and I know I'll never be able to visit you. So today I'm going to let the weight of the world sink in because one day I'll have to learn to move on.
   On your last day you said, "I want to stay and be your friend because I know you're happy when you work with me". On the day you think of me I want not only for you to realize my existence, but to also know that you've already made me happy. I'm going to end this post by again wishing you happiness in your life because you deserve it, and in your famous lines of "I'm okay," I really hope that you are because it allows me to live a life that I know you'd want for me.....a life where I too can say, "I'm okay".

Love always,
Francis

Aftermath

So maybe I'm not okay after all. but t hat's okay because there are outlets out there to exert these tremblings emotions. It's okay because my client, and more importantly my friend, is doing okay in his new home. And that's all I need to know to move on.....but I haven't heard it yet. I can only hope and wonder that he is improving and he's finally come to accept his new home, but has he? How can he move on if the selfish side in me visits him, or even call him? Which is why the last time I've seen or talked to him was his last day here, the day that haunts me till today.  

The industrialization path versus nature

To Materialistic individuals,

We live in a consumer society where happiness is dictated through materialistic possession. That doesn't scare you one bit? It's been embedded in our minds that the more we own the happier we become. Therefore, we've created social platforms to showcase how much we are worth, and how we spend our money; the means of buying expensive accessories equals "I have money" attitude. And it is this reason that makes me wish that I live in a different era; the one where materials never mattered. After spending the last four days away from the city, it is irrational for me to have such wish. This is because I got to truly appreciate nature, and witness a lifestyle where material doesn't mean anything. I'm content and happy that the lifestyle I want is actually just hours away from where I am. Here we have a city that is filled with opportunities and a social life that is relatively similar to the ones we see on television, but yet we are never truly "happy". On the contrary, we have towns that don't have access to a lot of the things we do, not even a transit system like the TTC, but yet they are happy. I've come to a conclusion that nature is what defines their happiness - I stand behind this ideology because this is what I'm passionate for. Nature itself is amazing, and it's sad that people will never appreciate it the way I do because they're caught up in a bubbled world. Being away from the city is something I'd like to do more often, and I guess this sums up my idea of vacationing. Being in an all-inclusive resort does not interest me. It's good that you have an outlet for happiness, and I'm glad that you define this through possession and party vacations because I get to appreciate a lifestyle that you'll never understand.
I think I've become a pessimistic individual on the perspectives of the social life, media, platforms, and people who are overall egotistical because they can walk around with a bag that's worth thousands. I'm going to slowly detach myself away from most social networking platforms because I find most of them to be unhealthy. So, continue showcasing the shit you have and how "rich" you are, and I'll continue to appreciate everything else. For instance, a lifestyle that you'll never survive in.

...yes, I am incredibly annoyed when I see people flaunting on my newsfeed the useless shit they have. And I am also annoyed when people take pictures of themselves because they think the world cares and respects them more if they have certain items. Do you people not understand that "google images" exists for a reason? I don't need to see your new pair of shoes, clothes, bags, and everything else in between...Take a meaningful picture of something else; one that doesn't portray how pathetic you are.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Francis

Goodbyes

Here goes round two of emotional goodbyes and an uncontrollable amount of "what ifs." From my previous post I've explained the 180 degree turn of my life and what I've been focusing on lately. I specifically left out mentioning the impact of working with special needs, one in particular. Through the working and friendship rapport I built with this kid I can truly say that I'm a much wiser person now, and more goal-oriented. I want to help this kid and it is this reason that drives me to accomplish, where one day I can hopefully change his life the way he has mine. I know it's an emotional rollercoaster, but I don't think anyone will ever understand the pain in saying goodbye to this kid. A week ago today he moved out of our group home to a place that is more suitable for him, where I can only hope that this place is truly better for him. A week ago today I lost a friend, and I can only promise him that I'll visit. A week ago today he was looking for me on the way to his new home because he wanted to say goodbye. I've explained to him several times that the new place will be good for him, better. But he refuses to believe this and the sadness in his face persistently shows. In his words, "I'm sad because I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and be your friend because I know being your friend makes you happy. I know you're happy when you work with me, so I want to stay." The impact of our conversation nearly left me with tears as I saw the pain he was in, the hurt he was going through, and the tears flowing down his face. I had to control my emotions for his sake; I couldn't let him see that I was sad because I wanted him to know that I was happy for him. They say that FASD kids have favourites...so I was his. If ever he was having a bad day he would sit down and talk to me, but with other staffs he would resort to aggression. If ever I was having a bad day he would ask and try to help with his imagination. I'd always have to explain that taking home an exam and letting him write it for me is not a solution - we laughed. I cannot paint in words how much this kid has impacted me, and if I had all the proper necessities in adopting him I would. This kid was more than a client to me; he was a friend who cared and valued our friendship.
Now, I hope he's doing okay and that he's adapting well to his new environment. I hope one day he understands why he had to leave. I hope he continues to grow and change lives the way he has mine. I hope one day his family would visit him, so the tears would stop flowing when he talks about them. I hope one day he realizes how special he is. During our goodbyes I told him several times that I'll always be his friend, always be here for him if ever he needed me. For now I think I'm just going to hope the best for him and let him settle in his new home, where hopefully the staff there will value his willingness to grow the way I have. I made a promise in visiting him and I plan on keeping it...because I owe it to him. It's amazing how these kids, this one in particular, can have such a toll on me. One day I'll see him again and I'll take him to the carnival he's been longing for. And on this day he'll teach me everything about life..

During our goodbyes he drew me this, and on the other side he wrote "I'm going to miss you." 

The important things

These past few weeks I've been focusing on my career and education to come ahead. There are many factors that triggered my motivation to succeed and go far in life. I've also derailed from the "party" lifestyle, where my nights are more calm and not a complete blur anymore. Yes some of you may find this boring, or not your typical Francis, but I've changed. It's not to say that I don't party anymore or have a social life. No. I've just decided to magnify the more important things in life. For the most part I'd probably just stay home and read though; I'm preparing for the upcoming term. Bars, clubs and parties will always be there, but opportunities like University don't just come and go. Education for me is probably one of the most vital aspects of life, where my interest to learn is what generally sparks my intent. I'm going to strive and hope for the best for myself. Call me a nerd, but I genuinely like studying and learning new materials on a daily basis. I actually enjoy staying in a library for hours and hours. Today I spent a good amount of money for two courses in fall that are not even related to my program - they are prerequisites, but that's okay because I know I'm one step closer to reaching my goal. Next week I'll probably pay for another one, and again, that's okay. At least now I know that I'll be going to school in Fall2013 - stoked. So, if you ever want to hangout with me your best bet would probably be asking me to go to a coffee shop with you.

A good friend of mine got accepted to a university and I couldn't be any happier for her. If we challenge and encourage ourselves then we'd understand more clearly the magnitude of....well life. In the conversation of Universities I've also learned to respect her family more because the amount of support they give truly defines them as a whole. The mother advocated for her daughter, and it is this role that makes me respect her, where going the distance for the people we care about is portrayed in their relationship. I preached the importance of family, but at the end of the conversation I don't think she needed my insights because, well, from her stories I've truly learned what the real definition is. The connection we have with our family is strengthen through the adequate support they provide, where that support is not something you can receive from anyone else. The support they provide is different. The support of family amplifies our future because without them than we wouldn't be the people we've grown to be. I've accepted that family moulds who we are, and without the guidance they give or the lectures we get from them than we would've failed in a lot of our obstacles. In hindsight, having this conversation with my friend has tweaked my perspective on the crucial understanding of what family is.
Life is so much more than what people on our social platform claim it to be, but it is also this reason that pushes me to simply achieve and accomplish. My social outlets like Facebook, twitter, and instagram create nothing but distress for me because the amount of wasted potential I see is nothing but sheer sadness. Let this be a post of it's own though.
Thus, my friends, make decisions in life that paints who you are as a person. Make decisions in life that stresses the importance of family. Make decisions in life that will make you happy and content with everything you've done. Don't let the challenges that life has to offer ever stop you from going far. 

The gifted

    When working I am generally happy and content with the direction of my life - the opportunity of working with special needs has truly changed a lot of my perspectives. I am not changing or helping a million lives out there, but I am giving these kids the life they truly deserve. The fact that I can help just one is enough for me because at the end of every shift I know I've done something good. Something right. A lot of people believe that working in this field is tough and requires a lot of patience, but I say otherwise. Working with this population is just like any other, and if you can look behind their diagnosis then you'd see they're normal kids who deserve better - so perhaps you've created a stigma behind special needs? Yes redirection may require some patience, but I've learned that respect also goes a long way. If you can respect who they are then they'll reciprocate a mutual understanding of who you are to them. It is also mandatory to put your personal problems aside when working to avoid disrupting the rapport you've built with the kids. You have to understand that you're a role model to these kids, and you have to gear all of your attention to them. You also have to encourage them to go out in the community, where my attempts of lying to them has failed after explaining, "No that stranger is not judging you...." What else can I possibly say to them  for the hurt to go away when I already know that they're smarter than some of us? It can take me a week to finish a 1000 piece puzzle, but some of these kids finish different ones on a daily basis. So, how do I steer them away from believing that they're being judged by the community they live in? How do I fool them? I'll advocate for them as much as I can, but the look in their faces when someone stares them down is sometimes too much to handle - even for me. I'll do everything I can for these kids to feel welcome and accepted in this world. I'll fight every battle that comes before them, and I'll be the backbone they need when they can't stand. At the end of every shift I know I've made a difference in their life, and have motivated for them to look forward for another day. These kids know the impact they've had/have on my life; they know they've made tremendous strides to who I am today because sometimes they'll tell me, "Thank you for working with me." My friends, I cannot paint to you how rewarding it is to hear that or how inspiring these kids are. Perhaps the next time you see a special needs individual you can thank them because without them the insights they've instilled in my life would not exist. 

The future

What's next? What to anticipate for the years to come ahead? My readers these are the questions that tag along in our everyday lives, where we plan and create an agenda for the future. To think that only two years ago I was still trying to unveil my career is truly mind-blowing. I've conquered the first stepping stone and I have many challenges in the near, and hopefully the motivation persists throughout. I'm inspired. The road before me won't be easy, but with the right support and fuel I know I will do just as good, if not, even better. Without the intentions to accomplish then I might as well bandwagon with the rest, but that's not an option I am willing to take. It will take a while for me to finish everything, but I know in the end everything will be worth it. I know. 

A barber tells all

The works of today.

     Today I was a demo model in a barbershop. I sat in front of students as they learned different methods and approach to cutting my hair. I can only imagine the intimidation and tension that the person cutting my hair was feeling. I was glad to hear that she was confident in her work even though the lesson-of-the-day wasn't her favourite, where fades can be a bit complex sometimes. The pressure was also weighted on her shoulder, where I had to leave a certain time. Kudos once again. There were moments of awkwardness, even for me, as the sound of silence took the energy of the room. Perhaps I should've busted out a joke here and there, but today was a lesson for these aspiring students and I was in no place to to change the energy in the room. Aside from learning barber/stylist terminology today (i.e.,horseshoe, teeth, and staggering), I've also picked up a few inspirational moments. Stories. The hidden lesson of todays agenda for me forecasted the importance of individual stories. The person cutting my hair, the students(staff), and the teacher all made me realize the different roles we carry on in our jobs, where life was significantly painted in a different perspective. Everyone has a story and here I sat trying to decipher what their stories are, are they in this industry just to get by or are there other reasons? I'd like to go with the latter. It motivates me to understand those around me better because these barbers/stylists show passion in what they do, and they put their personal problems aside to make us feel comfortable. If they were to confine in me about their problems they were still able to mask the pain away with a smile and do a sound job. If I did notice that they weren't having a good day I'd sit quietly and listen to the sound of silence, and in a delightful manner silent communication navigates to a bright hour for the both of us. Not only am I moved by the vast talent in this shop, but I also always leave with an inspirational uplift - where I am thankful for having met these individuals. I've gotten to know some of these aspiring individuals; the story that they have are worth listening to, and in that instant your errands for the day are pushed aside. Not only was I fascinated with their stories, but the idea of two strangers (i.e., me and barber) sharing life experiences is what makes getting a haircut bearable and something to look forward to. A truly inspiring and sound experience. Each barber depicted a piece, and in some sense I found analogies between the barbers and everyone else - we all have a story to share with others. The amount of time spent getting a haircut is sometimes inadequate because not only does my physical appearance change, but my life in a nutshell will also gravitate differently - where perhaps staying a bit longer will make greater strides to how I view this world.
     In life we will encounter countless experiences that push us to be better or to understand people differently, and sometimes these experiences are in shades of grey, but that's okay. It's okay because the ones that brighten our days also brighten our future. The importance of crossing paths with people that have a meaningful story to share is magnified after having met the cast of today. Thus, let this be a lesson for you all; take the time to sit down and truly hear what someone is trying to tell you because maybe, just maybe, you'll be more grateful to having these people in your life.

A single man

For the first time in my life I can't see my future. Everyday goes by in a haze, but today I have decided will be different.

Fighter

    I've noticed that my last posts were different from what I usually blog about, where I swayed away from inspirational ideas and pessimistically expressed. This one will be different, you have my word.
    There's this song, Fighter by Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder, that has motivated me to write this post. Yes I know it's not the music I usually listen to, where I'm not fist-pumping, jumping, or bobbing my  head, but instead I have my eyes close trying to vicariously live through the fighter in the song. The majority of mainstream music presented to us usually dictates the "luxurious life" that we should all have or strive for; sex, money, love, cars and drugs. And of course these videos not only lose value and dignity in life, but they also almost always have a form of sexism - this is a topic on its own. Fighter, on the other hand, is about being hopeful when our life sometimes feel like it has derailed away from the tracks. It's about pushing through and not forgetting who we are. This song has uplifted me because we, or I, often forget that life isn't always easy, and I'll sometimes lose motivation. In other words, I won't always win in the challenges that I put myself in, where failure shouldn't be an out-of-my-universe idea. And that's okay because at least I can say I've tried and gave it my all, and the next day will be another attempt. It's okay because I'm learning about myself and what I'm capable of and my potentiality increases. It's okay because I know I'm one step closer to succeeding in life.
    Life is a challenge that we all have to take on, and there will be tasks that will push us to our limits sometimes, but that's okay. It's like a puzzle where the pieces won't always fit or fall into place right away, and that's okay because complexity mirrors willingness. It's an arena, where we are surrounded by an audience that will support or bring you down. The challenge is in front of you and how you go about it will be your call. Or maybe the challenge is not in front of you, but instead you are the challenge, and how you present to your audience is up to you.

Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter

   
   

Hipsters and Vintage

Here's another pet peeve that has driven me to blog about. I hate how people think they have a different culture or lifestyle because they're suddenly into the "hipster/vintage" world. Really? My news feed is flooded with picture after picture of people dressing themselves hipster-like. Just because you can style yourself doesn't mean you're an actual hipster. It drives me insane how people are trying so hard to fit in a world that they don't belong in. Do everyone a favour and stick to what you like best or what interests you most. The amount of effort that you're putting in to showcase what you're all about is truly disappointing. I know that I shouldn't be judging because I don't consider myself a part of that hipster universe, but at least I have some passion for the culture. The world does not need to see your outfit on a daily basis, seriously. Also, if you're going to party and you claim yourself to be a "hipster" then WTF are you doing in that club? Your inadequate knowledge of that world shows how incompetent and embarrassing you are. Stick to your mainstream music and maybe, just maybe, I'll stop blogging about you.

Saturday Morning Wake

Dear failure-in-life, 

You've wasted ample years of your life doing irrelevant and useless things. While the rest of the world moves forward you're stuck in your own little universe thinking your life is justified. How old are you and you don't have valid education? There are some who are in the midst of going back to school, but you, it probably doesn't even cross your mind. You're probably adding a pile of stress to your parents' shoulder; making them worry that you'll forever be that kid that never accomplished. I'm glad you exist though because you've fuelled my reasoning to succeed and to go far in life, so thank you. Not only have you done that, but you've also made my life worth living through your consistent failure attempts in meeting basic lifestyle. Being a couch potato all day is probably what you do best. Good luck trying to get a career and life in the future with a High School Diploma as your most worthy credential to offer. 

Cheers, 

F 

Excerpt

I recently bought this book about "assholes" that we encounter on a daily basis, and surprisingly a lot of what I'm reading is true. There's 100 "asshole stories" and most of them got me laughing and thinking, "wow I do that." In many ways this book is making me realize things about myself that I hadn't before, an eye-opener. So, I've decided to share a story with the rest of you (chosen at random) and perhaps you too can see why I'm reading this book on my spare time. Enjoy.

Dear Constantly Cheery Asshole

You're not spreading joy, you're making us want to kill ourselves with your forced positivity and your phony perma-grin. Message received: you love life and you shit Technicolour rainbows. Now hop into a Crock-Pot and simmer down, because you're at a ten and we need you at a four. You're acting deranged, doodling smiley faces on things and skipping around like a hyperactive child who just overdosed on Pixy Stix. Life isn't that grand all the time, so put your unicorn pillowcases in storage and join the rest of us in the real world.

Regretfully,

P.S. Ease off on the red pills.

Your own limit

You know that feeling you get when nothing matters anymore and the weight of the world gravitates away from your shoulders? The "cloud-9" feeling, where happiness is best defined by your actions and the energy you display. This feeling or state of mind is rarely seen as we've all been conditioned to be a certain way or behave accordingly, and therefore happiness for some is locked. This is where I advocate and challenge you to do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy and content with life. Don't settle for what you think is best for you, but rather push yourself and continue to strive. Go beyond expectations and test your own limits if you must, and to simply enjoy life as it is. Don't let others bring you down because my friends, if you do, than their ignorance and misery is overpowering the more important - your happiness.  Life is a journey and you have to accept the fact that not everything will work out your way. You have to let life take its course and to anticipate for the disappointment, but to also  anticipate for the best. You have to let your downfalls be the reasons you get up the next day to continue the journey you have ahead of yourselves. Sure you'll have moments where you'll feel like the world is against you, and nothing is going right. Nowhere in the manual of Life does it say that everything will be easy. You just have to know that there's always the next day. You have to understand that life can get pretty complex at times. You need to realize that life is the biggest challenge that we'll face. You need to see the experiences you come across as part of the journey you're embarking on. Lastly, you must learn the prerequisites of happiness and its connection with life.

23 thus far

Dear friends, 

This weekend was probably the craziest and out-of-control weekend I've ever had in my life. I am beyond content and happy with how my party(s) turned out. First, I want to say thank you to everyone that made these past nights ones that I probably will never forget, and hopefully ones that you too will keep with you. I cannot express my gratitude enough of how thankful I am. I got to bond with a lot of you and reconnected with some. Some of you went out of your way to make sure I had the time of my life...and I did. To those that had work the next morning and you still came out - one word; appreciate. These are friends that you can truly count on. My body probably hates me from all the dancing that happened throughout the weekend - and that includes the 8AM room dancing on chairs/bed (haha). Also, the little dance party at a pizzapizza basement, yes that actually happened. I also won't forget how my friend was naturally high the whole friday night and still managed to have a good time. Kudos to you.  I look forward to the rest of my weekend because I know the partying isn't over. To those that planned something for me for the upcoming week(s), well lets just say you have high bars to meet, but I'm sure we'll have a ton of fun. I must admit that being 23 thus far (the past two days) has been nothing but valuable memories that I will past on. Once again, a simple thank you to all of you. 

Cheers, 

The Birthday Boy 

Sundays

Out of the seven days in a week I think Sunday is the one I dread the most. This day generally puts me in a low mood and it demotivates me to do anything productive, unless of course I have four exams ahead of me, but even then I still struggle to focus. There's just something about Sundays that shades my world and fuels me to negatively think about my life. I encourage myself to socialize with my friends more or even go to work on Sundays to avoid the negative outcomes of the day. I think one of the more important factors that weights me down is the ideology of Sunday being a family day. Don't get me wrong I love my family and whatnot, but the connection with them is not entirely there right now, and this creates a crater to my world. 

I'll keep you posted how the rest of my day will play out today, Sunday.

Social Support

       I’m going to briefly explain the importance of social support in our lives. When a stranger told me that life is hard no matter the situations you get yourself in; I was foolish to think otherwise. I’ve classified the norms that are transparent in everyone’s life; social, family, work, society, and self. An infinite list really, but I think these probably would categorize as the more important ones. When trying to meet the settled bars for these norms we often stress and rely on the strengths of our supporters to help us regain the flame. In short, we need social support to sometimes ground us to what we call reality, where one may forget what the normative patterns of life are. You see without social support than your life may be more complicated, and thus attach a secure base with maladaptive behaviours that hinder growth. Social support doesn’t mean just your friends – the definition varies and is different for all. I have transcended my social support in the process of building rapport relationships with those who are deemed, and valid, to have importance in my life. They are perpetuating social support because I know regardless of any given situation I know I can count on them. My friends let me be the stranger for you today in telling you that life is hard, it just simply is. 

You don't know Art.

I think I've prolonged this post for as long as I could and I am without a doubt have reached the peaking point. To think that this would never be published is irrational because the vast majority of culture I see in my social networking outlets nowadays is simply nothing but disappointment, and of course fake. By culture I mean "Art" and everything that is correlated with it. Although there is an insignificant amount of people in my newsfeed that seem to have forgotten where they come from. Just because you can post anything that is related to the mainstream media doesn't make you the person you think you are becoming - you don't earn "street credits" by copying and pasting. To be honest it probably only dictates your I.Q (your measure of intelligence in case I've confused you) level; which is probably painted as incompetent (painted = portrayed, or what the audience sees). Yes, aside from pointing out your stupidity I have decided to give you some 101 lessons. 

I know that I'm no artist or  is any better than those who are actually aspiring to be one, but if you only see/saw how foolish the some of you look you'd probably be at the end of this screen writing the exact. So the tangent begins. First, just because you see everyone else doing the new and "trendy" move doesn't mean you too have to follow, sadly it goes to show how much you lack creativity and talent. You're not being you, but instead you're trying to define your culture based on what you see on that 13" screen every night. Do yourself a favour, and more importantly the rest of world, to just please stop ruining what some of us are actually into. It's mind-boggling when I see nothing but fake work, posts, updates, pictures etc., on my newsfeed because I genuinely have more care for the hard-work that true artists convey. On that note, you are not an artist because you suddenly bought a brand new pencil and paper to showcase what you think is valuable. Or just because you can click the shutter button on your phone to capture what you think is "amazing" doesn't mean it truly is. 

Also, another frustrating issue is the lack of knowledge that these fake users we see on our social networking stream or the real world claim to have. If you can explain why you think your piece is a form of art than give yourself a pat on the back because you're that much closer to the real. For the most part, some of you can't even justify why painters created the piece that you're apparently so knowledgable about. The factors that ties with every framework goes beyond my own, so how the hell do you think you know more? Again, I'm no artist, but can you explain the point-of-perspective that an artist chose? Can you explain the reasoning behind certain brush strokes and colours? Can you vividly picture what specific emotions the artist probably felt when he/she worked on the piece? Can you even bring to life your own emotions when you see true art? It's sad, but also entertainment, to see the lack of vocabulary use with these fake individuals before us. The word "swag" doesn't actually give you any credential as it only shows your inability to express or appreciate life as a whole. When it comes to lyrics, do you understand the true semantics of the words? Or are you just simply agreeing to make yourself look good? 

This tangent can go on for hours and will probably do so based on the continuum of wannabe "artists," thus do not be surprised if I post another similar rant in the following. I hope you've gain some lesson from this because my intention was to inform you of the incompetents we have today.  They are those who pretend to know culture when they can't even hold a conversation about the things they post, write about, or do. Once again, do us all a favour and stop your nonsense because you're only making yourself the fool you've constructed yourself to be. Some of us actually appreciate art and seek enlightenment from real work, and not some two minute project you thought of while doing what you do best; nothing. Some of us were actually enculturated (enculturation) to art and therefore grew to understand it better than you. Another lesson for you is this; the term for what you fake artists claim to be is plagiarism - do the world another favour and learn what that means. 

I hope that true aspiring artists continue to inspire me and the rest of us with their hard-work and talent. It is disheartening to feel that I am moving away from my passion because of the built-up frustration from what I've been witnessing lately. True art needs to be appreciated more. If it takes 10 000 hours of practice to master a musical instrument than where do you get the idea that you're an artist based on your 1 minute work? At least some of us are practicing or learning to be insightful individuals, or are more devoted, and we actually know some art history....do you? 

The happiness ripple

      I've mentioned to a good friend of mine that whenever we hangout an inspirational or motivational upbringing begins to rise, and the drive back home is no longer dreaded. In short, we discuss the benefits of success and justify what happiness means to us. We acknowledge our accomplishments or make clear of the goals we are striving for. In many ways this helps me, and I hope her, control my well-being and maintain a positive self-care system as it stretches out the definition of happiness and success. It also structures our friendship in a whole; strong and trustworthy, a validation of a positive and healthy growing friendly relationship. Tonight our "problems/stress" were served on the menu on top of our drinks and tofu meals - this enables the listener to accumulate constructive criticism. A tool that shines the throne of our success in a better lighting, and thus reciprocate the sense of gratitude. Not to say that our friendship is solely based on this reason or excuse because with these conversations comes the endless puns of laughter that some of you will probably never understand. It is important to have friends that can help shape who you wish to become one day because without them, like my friend, we will all just be sitting ducks. It is also important to know that happiness is a shared experience with the people you truly hold close.
Moving onwards, a topic that is important for us, and I hope the rest of you, was laid out on the table tonight; success.

     First, think about what that word means to you and imagine (if you already haven't) a dream for yourself. If you were able to complete this task then kudos to you because you're probably further than some of us. This shows motivation and an initiation of an aspiring person you wish to become, what some people forget to account for. The fact that you were able visualize yourself shows the moulding of your own success. So again, give yourself a pat on the back for being on the road to your own success. If you weren't able to see anything for yourself or failed in defining success; don't worry I'll explain. For what it's worth or if it's any reassurance I'm likely to be on that boat. Hopefully the latter story of my night will tune you in. 

    Last Thursday an incident at my placement occurred where a staff attempted to crush my hopes and dreams for my career. In hindsight, this particular degraded me and the program I am undertaking - to summarize; she generalized future graduates of the program by stating that we, the students, will not have the career we dream of upon graduation. Instead, it is expected that we will be cleaning washrooms from the credentials that will be transparent on our resume after graduation. Her evidence for this reasoning was of a personal experience that she encountered. My readers, you should be as aggravated as I was because nobody has the right to bring you down the way she did to me. Nobody has the right to degrade anyone or dishearten another human being. It doesn't matter what position you are in or whether you are at the top of the hierarchy, it is inhumane for someone to exert such behaviour. After hearing a verbal-diarrhea of her perspective about my program and career I decided to take the higher road and 1. acknowledge that I heard her opinion, 2. professionally react to the content of her speech, and that was to do nothing about it. Yes I was bothered and disturbed with what I heard, but if I in anyway expressed my discomfort then she would've had the sick pleasure she was craving for. I became the person she attempted to bring down; a stronger individual and fortunately saw something for myself that she failed to see - I am student carving a path to success. The normative emotion that is valid in this situation backfired against the executioner because I saw how miserable her life must be to even breathe out any of those words that she exchanged. It is her that probably hates her job and therefore becomes the schoolyard bully that we, the recognized students, all know is just another incompetent tool in society to highlight our own success. By the end of the night I was glad that this situation happened because I slept in a sound manner while she probably worried of whom she will target the next day to make herself feel better. I do not know how far I will get or how successful I may or not be because the on-going process of learning pushes my cognitive thoughts on different levels each day. I cannot imagine what success is like for me because I have yet to witness what I am most potential of. So far though, for me success or happiness is not about the credentials we have or the monetary value we uphold, but rather they are about everything else in between. 

     So my lesson for you is this; don't let people define who you are or where on the spectrum of success you will fall because only you can do this. Don't let the incongruities of others destroy what you are most capable of and ruin your dreams. Create expectations for yourself like I have and test the challenges that will come before you. Aim far and do the best you can to achieve because in my opinion this is what success is all about. The inability to accomplish on your first try shouldn't scare you away, but only make you stronger so that when you try again the chances of success is higher. Just because you cannot see how successful you will be in the upcoming doesn't mean you've failed; it only proves that you haven't reached your potentiality yet. Don't give up because if you do then you've failed to live, and if you've failed in this then the happiness ripple becomes a silent a tide.

Be on the look

There are many topics to blog about and share with you, but due to the demands of "education" I am prohibiting myself to blog at the moment. In so forth I have decided to make an on-going list of what is to be expected from me for the next:
-Success
-Gloat
-Music
-A substance remedy
-Social Networking

I will continue to update the list as new ideas pop in my head...

The fringe benefits of failure

One of the most inspirational speech I've ever heard.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html

To be inspired

My readers, here is my story of how I was inspired over a liberating weekend, an inadvertently influence. I’ve racked my mind and heart over the negative filter that’s inevitably weighing me down these past few and was successful in coming up with a few answers. First, I’m emotionally unstable because of the career path I’ve undertaken, but I understand that this is part of it, and thus I’m making attempts to strengthen myself. The list extends on, but one of the smaller things that I’ve inoculated my eyes from seeing is the outside world, a construction of reality. What worries me sometimes is the growing generation before mine. My heart will sometimes dent when I see kids missing out on the best parts of their life, and that is simply growing up.  When I look into the world I see kids who are maturing at an uncontrollable rate, and not that it’s a complete negative attribute to society, but still I hope they enjoy their life the way it’s meant to be. It’s almost paradoxical to say that kids nowadays should be given better social support from society because they’re at the age to rebel. But, some of them are starting too early. And I know that technology and the mass media plays a big role to what we see outside today, that is beyond our realm and control. My readers, by now you should have noted that; one, I’m in a rut, and two, how I see society or the growing generation today is in black and white. The weekend that just passed made retrospect statements in helping me realize that life is difficult and severely complicated, but somehow and somewhere there’s always a light of hope, a beam that guides us. After the Sunday event I can say that I’m okay or at least I’m going to be, and right now that’s really all I need. It’d be an oxymoron to make a 360 life changing turn in such a short span, the weekend. It’s ironic how I see myself to be this pessimistic being who carries a heart for the world, a drive to optimism. I’ve gone on a tangent about my self-care and how I solely perceive society and the world as a whole.

Here’s what I experienced Sunday evening as I sat and watched performances, anecdotal commentary, and witnessed unity in a different perspective. The vast talent throughout the night goes beyond my imagination, and surely, written words do not justify what I saw and heard. I was strikingly inspired by the kids that dictated the true meaning of friendship, family, unity, and life. I sat down and enjoyed what came before me; I was motivated and began to see hope, what life truly entails. In a nutshell, the tiniest bit of happiness gradually made a path to my heart. A drive to see this world in a better light began to embark.

My readers, I can’t paint to you how you’re life is going to be or expect you to start embracing the things around you more. I can’t guarantee you happiness because it is never given, learned, achieved, or coined. The definition for being happy or the constitution of it is different for all, just like how the difficulty and complexity of life isn’t universal. My readers, I can tell you that the foundation of Sunday evening made essential, and drastic changes to who I am and I wish for you to someday experience or witness what I have. I know that what’s ahead of my life isn’t always going to be like Sunday evening, and I’ll still have my moments of disparity with the threshold of life, but that’s okay. One day and someday what I saw in that room and on stage during my Sunday evening I’ll see everywhere else in this world that we live in. 

Thank you

Last summer I was given the opportunity to work in a group home with kids who have special needs, one in particular. I was his one-to-one primary staff, I was his guardian. I worked full time then and saw this kid more than I saw my own family and friends. At first I struggled working with him as he hardly listened to me. Slowly and surely that changed and he began to respect me. I worked hard for this and I hope he saw that. Till this day I give myself the credit of pulling through and not waving the white flag, till this day I give myself the credit in the improvements he has made. He needed 1:1 care and I was apparently the only one out of all his previous 1:1's that he didn't aggressively acted out on. A friendship grew and I began to see this kid as my own, I simply took care of him. On my days off I'd wonder how he was doing. The summer ended and I had to go back to school and switch to part-time, and that meant to end my full-time 1:1 contract with the kid, a step down. He needed a new 1:1 and so one was hired. Was it painful to see a new staff work with the kid I spent my summer with? Yes..still is. I began working with the other kids and had to accept that I wasn't his  1:1 anymore. While working with the other kids though he would sometimes walk up to me and just stand beside as he disregarded the directives from his new 1:1 staff - I was happy and sad. Something like that would make me happy because I knew then that I meant something to him. I was sad because I knew he was having a hard time accept that I wasn't his 1:1 anymore...just like me. I can go on a tangent with the progression and bond I had with this kid, but this isn't about that, it's about saying goodbye.

Today was my last day getting to see him as he will be moving to a new home tomorrow. Today is Monday and I get to say it's okay to take a drink or two. Here we have a kid who taught me more than anyone could imagine and redefined life for me. In so many ways he has taught me how to appreciate life and enjoy the every little bit of it. Working with him made me happy and being his only friend made the world okay for me. Haha, how is it that his only friend couldn't even properly say goodbye to him? How is it that saying, "Take care of yourself, don't forget about me. I'm very proud of you" was the hardest thing I've ever had to do since starting this job? For this kid I  had to hold back being sad because I understand that this is best for him, he needs to move on and do greater things with his life. He needs to touch the hearts of other people, he needs to teach others what he has taught me. I know one day that we'll cross paths again, and I don't doubt that he won't recognize me because I know some place in his heart he sees me as his guardian, a father figure, a worker he respects, and a friend he will always have. And when we do cross paths I'll get to say, "thank you."
Last summer I was given an opportunity to work in a group home with an autistic and non-verbal kid who  not only taught me the importance of life and friendships, but also that tomorrow I'm going to be okay.

Art Attack

I bought a sketchbook the other day and I've decided to make time in using it. Here's my first beginners art work. 

Those who matter.

Over the past months I've become more mature, wise and insightful about my grounds with school, career, life in general and friends. The negative filters in my life now are more based on a personal anxiety that have led me to seeking help. I'm somewhat content with how I'm dealing with a lot of my personal problems and simply just getting through the day. So my life now is pretty much leading to positive attributes that I take great pride in. I've noticed that a lot of my posts are consistently about my inner thoughts about the world and my own issues - they are never about the things that I appreciate in life. I've learned many lessons from one of my closest friends and I don't think I've ever given her any credit for it. Tonight that changes.

You can read this post and think it to be in a more general perspective of "friendships" but my intention is to single a certain somebody out, (insert boojee here).  This year I'm focusing on me and those who matter. In some way this is my new years resolution, I'm going to care less about the sideline friends and focus more on the ones that are actually worth my time, the ones that understand how to reciprocate the same values as me. I've learned a lot about myself through my experiences and through this epiphany, I'm glad that I have a friend(s) to count on. It's a relief to know that I have someone to relate a lot of my experiences or personal problems with, and more importantly, to have someone to be foolish with. All of our inside "jokes" and idiotic statements pretty much define our friendship, and I'm glad that I can always be myself when I'm around her. I never have to act a certain way or be a certain somebody because the idea of our friendship wouldn't be the same. We're who we are with each other and I think that's one of the greatest lessons that I've learned about friendship this year (and last). So, this year I'm only going to focus on the friends that I hold close, and more importantly, the ones that are real.
Tonight, and any other day, I'm thankful for having someone like you and tonight I get to let you know that you matter in my life. Thus my friend, continue to live dat boojee ly style because I may have never told you this, but you've in so many ways inspired me to be who I am today. You've simply taught me how to appreciate life more and through my connection with you you've taught me a lot about friendship and the importance of having someone like you. You have grounded me and have redefined a lot of my perspectives in a positive way. In hindsight, you've taught me how to live.

Ps. I gbutler you