Four months ago

Dear friend,

     I know the last time I saw you I made a promise, a promise to visit you. The truth is I owe you an apology for not having kept this promise. I'm sorry. It's been about four months and you still haven't seen me. It's been four months. I have not only lost my obligation to you, but I may have also lost myself from you. I know it's hard for you to think of me, especially after all the changes you've gone through. I know you're still working on that wish you made, a wish where you wanted all the anger inside of you to go away. Please believe me when I say that I want nothing but the best for you. But let me reassure you that I am doing the best I can in keeping that promise I made four months ago. I know I should've visited you long ago, but there was too much complications that rose. One being the risk of tarnishing your transition to a new home and new people was laid out. For the simplest reasons they thought seeing me would give you the idea that I'll be working with you again, and I'm sorry for jumping on board with them on this one.
    I don't know how this will all turn out, and I would never want to give you any false expectations, but I truly am doing my best in visiting you. I can't guarantee you anything as the process may take a while, and getting approved by your worker seems tougher than I had anticipated. Today I got a call back, and in hindsight I explained to them that I wanted to visit you. I'm not entirely sure what the procedure is, or what happens next, but my fingers are crossed. I know distance was a concern, but if I have to then I'll travel the two hours on my own.

Love always,
Francis

Face it

Dear Friend, 

     I think today is the day. I'm not entirely sure how I came to this conclusion but I'm somewhat determined in making a few changes. I write about being sad, and the following week I write the complete opposite. I tell myself that I've come to some agreement with myself, some sort of new "fix" to myself, but lets face it; distraction can only get us so far. When someone tells you that, "things get better in time," or "you'll be fine," haha they lied to you. How can anyone really guarantee you anything? Why is there so much cruelty in those statements? You can't tell someone that things will get better in time, or that you'll be okay...you just can't. 

    I know it's a bit harsh, but the truth is reality is never really the way we want it to be. When you ask someone for help you should look them in the eye and see their reaction. The more they stumble in formulating an answer for you means the higher chance of it being a lie. Really when you ask someone for help you're asking them to tell you something you want to hear, you want some sort of comfort or safety net that everything will be okay. And that's exactly what they tell you. So the next time someone tells you that you'll be okay, make sure you question yourself first. 

Today is the day because I'm finally going to call you...

Love always, 

Francis