Goodbyes

Here goes round two of emotional goodbyes and an uncontrollable amount of "what ifs." From my previous post I've explained the 180 degree turn of my life and what I've been focusing on lately. I specifically left out mentioning the impact of working with special needs, one in particular. Through the working and friendship rapport I built with this kid I can truly say that I'm a much wiser person now, and more goal-oriented. I want to help this kid and it is this reason that drives me to accomplish, where one day I can hopefully change his life the way he has mine. I know it's an emotional rollercoaster, but I don't think anyone will ever understand the pain in saying goodbye to this kid. A week ago today he moved out of our group home to a place that is more suitable for him, where I can only hope that this place is truly better for him. A week ago today I lost a friend, and I can only promise him that I'll visit. A week ago today he was looking for me on the way to his new home because he wanted to say goodbye. I've explained to him several times that the new place will be good for him, better. But he refuses to believe this and the sadness in his face persistently shows. In his words, "I'm sad because I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and be your friend because I know being your friend makes you happy. I know you're happy when you work with me, so I want to stay." The impact of our conversation nearly left me with tears as I saw the pain he was in, the hurt he was going through, and the tears flowing down his face. I had to control my emotions for his sake; I couldn't let him see that I was sad because I wanted him to know that I was happy for him. They say that FASD kids have favourites...so I was his. If ever he was having a bad day he would sit down and talk to me, but with other staffs he would resort to aggression. If ever I was having a bad day he would ask and try to help with his imagination. I'd always have to explain that taking home an exam and letting him write it for me is not a solution - we laughed. I cannot paint in words how much this kid has impacted me, and if I had all the proper necessities in adopting him I would. This kid was more than a client to me; he was a friend who cared and valued our friendship.
Now, I hope he's doing okay and that he's adapting well to his new environment. I hope one day he understands why he had to leave. I hope he continues to grow and change lives the way he has mine. I hope one day his family would visit him, so the tears would stop flowing when he talks about them. I hope one day he realizes how special he is. During our goodbyes I told him several times that I'll always be his friend, always be here for him if ever he needed me. For now I think I'm just going to hope the best for him and let him settle in his new home, where hopefully the staff there will value his willingness to grow the way I have. I made a promise in visiting him and I plan on keeping it...because I owe it to him. It's amazing how these kids, this one in particular, can have such a toll on me. One day I'll see him again and I'll take him to the carnival he's been longing for. And on this day he'll teach me everything about life..

During our goodbyes he drew me this, and on the other side he wrote "I'm going to miss you."