A world to view

     Every now and then I'll lose my way and my world turns upside down. Every now and then life becomes undefined for me and I begin to fade away from reality. Unsure of what to do or how to explain what's going on. Everyone has a way of dealing with their stress, but I'm one of those who just can't handle it or fail at dealing with it. Sure I can front that I'm okay and that there's nothing wrong, but what's hidden inside is a bottle of stress waiting to spill on the table. Maybe not as drastic as that, but I've had better days.

     The past few weeks for me have been quite the roller coaster ride that I've never seen myself in, and I've learn a lot about myself and life in general. I've lost my way but gained a better insight of my environment and more importantly the people around me. Perhaps stating that I've lost my way is taking it to the extreme because realistically I was just simply tired. Trying to balance work, school, a social life, and placement all in the same hands is exhilarating - I got a taste of what burnout feels like. I was (and continue to?) mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted from the demands of my daily life, and I didn't (still don't?) know how to deal with it. It really isn't as bad as I make it to be because for the most part I get to relax at placement or work. 

     I think what I've been avoiding to really say is that my personal  life lately hasn't been in its greatest moments. My relationship with my family could be better and I guess it makes it that much harder for me to deal with when neither parties are doing anything to fix what is broken. I'm learning a lot about being independent, or at least attempting to be. What I didn't see coming from the situation(s) I'm in is the pain that drags along the way. This in the sense that I am indistinctly hurt from whatever is going on. It also stings when I know that the people I hold close are hurting because of my actions/mood lately. It is almost inevitable for me not to feel "sad" when I'm under my own roof. This explains why I've been the "couch potato" here and there (Thank you to those who has/have offered a roof over my head). There really is only one solution to my so called "problems" and that's to move out - finding a place isn't as easy as I thought it would be. And financially it'd better if I hold this off for another month or two. My survival kit right now is the ability to be rational and to stay motivated. In some way I've been inspired to be a positive person and not think so negatively of myself, others, and this world that we live in. 

     For me life is defined through our experiences and the attempts in building our self-images. Sometimes we fail and fall to the ground, and getting up seems such a long way. Sometimes the people that enter our lives become our enemies later on, but we need them to learn about ourselves. We need to know what we're capable of so that we'd be prepared for our next downfall. Sometimes life surprises us and spins our world around till we can no longer stand on our own two feet, but we need to lose our balance to see more clearly. How did we become the people we are today if we hadn't experienced what we've led ourselves into? 

     And this is why I can say that I'm okay. That these past few weeks for me have been nothing but a challenge to see how well I can write to you about my life. This is why at the end of every night I can say that things will get better eventually, and that every night takes away the impact of my problems. Slowly, but surely, my problems are becoming less heavier on my shoulder and are becoming more of a simple lesson. I've learn how to cope with stress, and some of you may disagree, but let me learn if I must.  

     Every now and then I'll lose focus of reality, but in these moments of imbalances I learn more about the connotations of life.